Leaving the Garden
by be-nice-to-nerds
Summary: "It's not even that you think they'll mind that much – if Nozomi is right, as she usually is, then the Otonokizaka School Idol Club doubles as the Otonokizaka Club For Closeted Queer Girls. It's just that you've spent so long being quiet about this that you're not sure how to stop." Eli and Nozomi write a love song. Writing the song is easy; it's sharing it that's hard.


After the cameras and crowds have gone the members of µ's all head their separate ways. You can see from the expression on some of the others' faces that they're not entirely pleased by Honoka's surprise pronouncement but that can wait until tomorrow, when the remaining dregs of media and spectators aren't around to watch. For now it's time to head home and rest – tomorrow the task of preparing for the rapidly approaching competition begins in earnest.

At the corner where you and Nozomi normally part ways she turns to you.

"You want to come over for dinner?"

"Of course," you smile, "just let me text my mother."

Your mother, predictably, doesn't mind. You've been having dinner at Nozomi's about once a week since the last term of first year, and ever since your mother learned that she lives alone Nozomi has an open invitation to your house as well. _It's good that you are such good friends_ , she says often. _It does both of you good to have the other in your life_. Your mother approves of Nozomi, but sometimes you can't help but wonder if that approval would remain if she knew the true nature of your relationship.

Thoughts like these have been weighing on you more and more, recently. When the two of you had started dating, back in second year, you'd both agreed that keeping things quiet would be the best course of action. You wouldn't deny it if asked but you also made no effort to publicise it. It was better that way. You're both fairly private people, and with the stigma around same-sex couples besides… It hadn't been hard. Neither of you had had any close friends besides each other back then, anyway.

That's probably why it's bothering you now in a way it never used to. This year you've gone from having one best-friend-slash-girlfriend to having seven more close friends and while it's amazing (and you love Nozomi so so much for pulling you out of your rut and bringing µ's together) it's also strange, having people who know so much about you and care so much about you not know such a critical part of who you are. It's not even that you think they'll mind that much – if Nozomi is right, as she usually is, then the Otonokizaka School Idol Club doubles as the Otonokizaka Club For Closeted Queer Girls. It's just that you've spent so long being quiet about this that you're not sure how to stop.

It's probably these thoughts on the back of your head that prompt you to suggest a love song, without really thinking about it, when Nozomi mentions offhand (trying to play it cool, but you've known this girl for so many years now that you can see exactly how much it means to her – for someone so prone to calling other people out, Nozomi has a knack for avoidance herself) that she thinks it might be cool if you could all write the new song for the regional finals together. The thoughts in the back of your head, and the way Nozomi looks in her apron, sautéing onion as you chop vegetables, and how happy she obviously is to be a part of µ's – because you know that no matter how important your friends are to you they mean even more to Nozomi, and you love them doubly for that, for everything they've done for you and everything they've done for her. Your love for Nozomi has settled over time, calmed from the initial adrenaline rush to something more quiet and sturdy, familiar. Your love for your friends is newer, different, platonic in a way it never really was with her even before you got over your denial phase – but just as strong, really.

Of course you suggest a love song, and then blush as Nozomi raises an eyebrow at you as you realise what you've said.

"A love song, really Elichi?" She smirks. "Do you have your eye on someone special?"

"Only you," you say, because you can be smooth sometimes, as much as Nozomi likes to tease you and pretend you can't. You take a moment to enjoy the faint pinkness in her ears – your girlfriend is harder to fluster than you are, and you take the small victories where you can.

"But seriously, I meant as a song for all of us to write together." You won't let her distract you from this conversation. "A love song is perfect. It can express the love we all have for each other."

"That's a little cheesy," she says. "Anyway, there's a reason we have no love songs yet. Can you really imagine Umi writing one? The poor girl would be scandalised."

You have to admit you can't.

"But that's why it's perfect," you say. "She won't want to do it on her own, so it'll force us all to write as a group."

"You're overthinking this, Elichi," she says, and the conversation is over.

…

That's why it takes you a little by surprise when Nozomi suggests a love song after all, at the meeting the next day.

And, okay, maybe you go a little overboard. But you keep thinking of Nozomi, Nozomi as the shy first year who wormed her way into your heart, Nozomi steadfast by your side on the student council, Nozomi pushing you into the best decision you ever made. Nozomi and her quiet, empty house, with only pictures of her friends to keep her company. She's done so much for you. You just want everyone else to let you do this for her.

…

In the end, Maki saves you. Your composer and friend, surprisingly perceptive and obtuse in turns and with not a single subtle bone in her body, helps you talk Nozomi into being open about her feelings with the others for once. It's funny, you think, because for all that this whole thing was supposed to be about appreciating your friends you'd forgotten that maybe you could ask them for help. Between you and Nozomi you give her an abridged, mildly censored (explaining to Maki that by 'shared our feelings' Nozomi really means 'pinged my surprisingly accurate gaydar' is a whole other can of worms that you don't think either Maki nor you are equipped to deal with right now) version of your shared history, and then she calls the others over.

 _Snow Halation_ isn't quite the song you were envisioning, but it's perfect.

…

 _Snow Halation_ is perfect, but.

"I think I still want to write a love song with you," you admit to Nozomi one evening, cuddled together on her bed.

From where you are, face tucked into the crook between her neck and shoulder, you can't see her face, but you can feel her chuckle. Her hand comes up to slowly brush through your hair.

"I'd like that," she says, softly. After a long moment she adds, "you know what it would mean, though."

"I know," you say. "I think I'm ready."

"So am I," she says, and that is that.

…

Again, you have to go to Maki for help. You and Nozomi could come up with lyrics and a dance, no problem, but Maki's the only one of the nine of you who can write music.

"Look," she says, "I can't write a song blind. I need lyrics, or at the very least to know what kind of feeling you want to go for. It won't work at all otherwise."

She eyes the two of you strangely, like she did before you all wrote _Snow Halation_.

…

When you come back a week later her cheeks go almost as red as her hair as she reads the lyrics you hand her.

"Oh," she says, and then, "are you sure you want to do this?"

Nozomi takes your hand. "We're sure."

"Okay," says Maki. A pause. "I really should have known." Another. "It's beautiful." Half a second goes by and then her cheeks colour again as she realises what she's said. "The song, I mean."

"Sure," Nozomi says, smirking as your flustered junior scrambles her way out of the otherwise empty classroom.

…

Through what Nozomi can only describe as fate but you prefer to think of as dumb luck, only a few days after you've given the lyrics to Maki, Hanayo comes running into the clubroom, phone in hand.

"This is big," she gasps, as she hurries to bring whatever she was looking at on her phone up on the computer so you can all see it.

No one can get anything coherent out of Hanayo when she's this worked up so you all wait with various degrees of patience until the email fills the laptop screen. What follows is about thirty seconds of shocked silence and then everyone starts talking at once.

"Give it to me," Umi demands, and you move to read over her shoulder as she goes through every detail of the email.

"Okay," Umi says when she's finished reading, "this is what's going on."

Everyone falls silent to listen to her and she continues.

"We've been offered an album deal. Two albums now, with the possibility of more depending on how well we do in Love Live. This isn't us going professional – we're not being signed indefinitely, we're being paid album by album. We still have to do everything ourselves, they'll just give us a recording studio and publish the albums – and take a fair amount of the profit from them."

"A-RISE has a similar deal," Hanayo offers.

"Do we want to do this?" you ask. As you see Nico open her mouth for an indignant response you hold your hand out for silence and continue. "Yes, it sounds amazing, but it will also be a lot of work. We don't have enough songs for even a single album at the moment."

"We could split up into smaller groups," Honoka suggests. "Like the three groups we formed when we were writing _Yume no Tobira_."

"Subunits," Nico says. "A lot of larger idol groups have them."

"We could do duets too," Nozomi says casually. Too casually, to your eyes. You can see Maki raise an eyebrow at her too. "Or individual songs."

"But that's still going to be a lot of work for Maki-chan," Kotori points out.

"I should be fine," Maki says. "There won't be a strict time limit like for lives, right? And anyway, if you guys can get me lyrics first it makes it easier for me."

"Yay!" Rin says, hugging Maki, who tries and fails to push her off. "If we're doing duets, I want to be with Kayo-chin!"

"That makes sense. You guys have known each other since you were really little." Maki looks around at the rest of you. "In a group of nine we can't all pair up for duets, so I think the second years should go together because you're old childhood friends too."

Honoka throws one arm over Umi and another over Kotori at the same time as Nozomi says, "which means that I should go with Elichi, right?"

"Sure," Maki says. "And that leaves me with –"

You can see her pale as she realises what she's about to say. Nico beats her to it.

"The fantastic super idol, Nico-Nico-nii!"

"Is it too late to reorganise the pairs?" Maki asks.

…

Not even a week later, _Garasu no Hanazono_ is finished. It's real. This is happening.

"You sure you want to do this?" you ask Nozomi, the day you're planning to perform it for the other members of your group.

"Are you, Elichi?"

"Yes," you say, and hope she doesn't notice that you're shaking.

"Then so am I," she says, and you pretend you don't notice her nerves.

…

"So, um, Nozomi and I have finished our duet, and we'd like to share it with you guys," you tell everyone else before practice starts.

"Wow, really?" Rin says. "That was super fast, nya!"

"We may have started writing it before we got the email," admits Nozomi, sounding impressively unflustered, given the circumstances. You envy her. "Anyway, we should get started. Maki, if you please."

Maki presses play on her phone, and music starts coming out the speakers she has it hooked up to. And for the next four and a half minutes you, blessedly, can go into performance mode, focusing only on the song and the dance and Nozomi and not on any of your friends. There really is a difference in performing as a pair rather than a group. Or maybe it's just now, singing a love song with Nozomi, that your attention is as much on her and her body and her voice than it is on remembering what it is you're supposed to be doing. Even if this all goes south, at least you have this moment.

When the music stops you keep your hand linked with hers but force your gaze away to instead look at your friends. Honoka and Hanayo both have tears in their eyes – and so does Rin, you note with some surprise. Kotori is patting Umi's shoulder from where the other girl is crouched on the ground in the fetal position, back to you, hands over her ears. The grey-haired girl gives you a thumbs up and what you think is supposed to be a reassuring expression, but you still can't help the flash of hurt that goes through you at Umi's reaction no matter how much you know, rationally, that it's probably her responding to the romance and not to the gay. Maki is still standing by the speakers, looking far too much like a proud mother for someone two years younger than you. Nico looks absolutely flabbergasted.

"Well, I'm sure the fans will certainly appreciate you dialling up the yuri subtext," she says.

Maki elbows her in the ribs.

"Ow! Okay, okay. Thank you for telling us, even if I totally knew already."

"You did not," Maki says.

"Did too," Nico retorts, but before they can get into a proper argument Honoka steps between them.

"Enough, guys. We need to support Eli-chan and Nozomi-chan now."

Nico stops glaring at Maki long enough to step up to Nozomi and hug her, whispering something you can't catch into her ear. Your girlfriend mutters something back and pats the top of Nico's head. Nico scowls and steps back. The second she does Rin, lightning fast, grabs Hanayo by one elbow and Maki by another and barrels all three of the first years into the two of you.

"You're so brave," she says into the proximity of your chest.

They're there for about all of three seconds until Honoka notices, yells "group hug!" and pulls Nico back in with her.

"I'm proud of you," Kotori says from where she is crouched over by Umi, once the group hug disengages. "And so is Umi, you know. Please don't take her reaction personally; you know how she is about romance."

Nozomi squeezes your hand.

"We know," you say.

Hanayo looks up at you seriously. "Are you sure you want that song on the album, though? Once it's out there you can never take it back."

"We'll all support you no matter what," Maki adds, "but…"

You look at Nozomi. Nozomi looks at you.

"We're sure," she says.

You're tired of hiding. You're tired of quiet. You're tired of looking but not being allowed to touch where other people can see.

"We're sure," you echo.

* * *

 **I hope you guys enjoyed my self-indulgent fluff! I also kind of wanted to find a way to work the sheer amount of songs µ's has into anime canon (and in the process ended up realising that Rin and Hanayo don't actually have a duet together, whoops. I guess** _ **Love Wing Bell**_ **is gay enough). I also seem to depart from the rest (or at least part of) of fandom by thinking that Eli and Nozomi are pretty clearly obviously dating by the first episode. But yeah, 100% self-indulgent fluff with no real plot that was written when I was not at my best. I hope you liked it anyway!**


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